Conflicted

Tomorrow is the day. After 18 months of life, Will enters the realm of daycare bright and early tomorrow. I struggled with whether to start him a week before I actually had to start back to work, feeling selfish to give up a whole week with him to help get him (really more me) adjusted. But I am trying in everything to do what is best for him, so he starts tomorrow. All of the other kids in his class will transition to this new class tomorrow. I felt like if Will started at the same time as those kids, then they could all cry together about a new room and new teachers. That way, if Will is hysterical, he will draw less attention to himself because all the other kids are crying too. You probably think I am crazy. If you only knew all the situations that had gone through my mind that "could happen" when he starts daycare. I have played them out a million times, all trying to figure out what might help Will transition the easiest. I haven't come up with anything! Sadly, I am just going to have to drop him off, act as if I am totally okay, give him a big hug and kiss, and walk as fast as I can to the car so as not to lose it in front of other adults. I have asked everyone I know about transitioning a child to daycare and they all say the same thing everytime..."He is going to be fine!" "Give him a week and he will love it!" I do believe all of these things and know he will be fine, it is just a tough pill to swallow. I have known this day was coming all summer. Thankfully, we found out the day we came home from Disney that a spot had opened up at the place we wanted him to go all along. He had been on the waiting list since December and I really didn't think he would ever get in. After A LOT of prayer we indeed got a call that Will was in!! That should be a post all for itself-who knew it was like getting into an extremely exclusive club when trying to get your kid into daycare. Really people should tell you when you first find out you are pregnant, to go ahead and call and get your kid on the waiting list. Anyways, it will be easier dropping Will off at the place that I felt in my heart was where he should be. I guess it is just a momma's instinct. We looked at several other options that were all very nice, they just didn't feel right.
Will got a postcard in the mail from his teachers this past week. He could have cared less. I on the other hand thought it was the cutest thing ever and it has been proudly displayed on our refrigerator ever since...first child syndrome, I know :)
So in my heart on this Sunday afternoon I feel extremely anxious and conflicted. I have LOVED being home with Will this summer. Enjoying lazy days spent in our pajamas, building blocks, reading books, working puzzles, snuggling, meeting friends at the pool and for lunch, basically having no schedule at all. I have enjoyed having him tag along with me most everywhere I went. It was also exhausting and I came to realize that my job from 7:30-3:00 is far easier than entertaining an 18 month old all day. Stay at home moms do not get the credit they deserve!!! I know it is time for him to be around other kids and learn new things. I am excited for him and scared for him all at the same time. I don't want him to look around tomorrow and not know where he is and not recognize anyone around him and FREAK out. I don't want him to feel like I abandoned him and that I am never coming back. I know he will figure out what happens and get used to the routine. Maybe this summer I should have been reading books about how to transition myself when I have to drop my child off :). Thank goodness I really do enjoy my job-I can't imagine having to drop off your child to go to a job you despise.
So tomorrow, please say a small prayer for me and for Will. That God will give me peace and calm my heart by tomorrow morning about 8:00. And that God would prepare Will for this new chapter in his life and that he will have a great day and be so busy that he won't even realize how long it had been since I left.
While I am still trying to prepare my heart, I feel like we are prepared in every other sense of the word. Will has a new L.L. Bean Junior backpack with his name on it, all packed with 2 changes of clothes, paci, butt paste, and sippy cups. We have a new monkey nap map that looks super cozy. We have his first day attire all picked out and even ironed (if you know me, I rarely iron!!). We are ready on the outside...it's getting ready on the inside that is really tough!