1,460 days and counting!

Today is our 4th anniversary!! I say this every year but it is crazy how time flies, and each year just gets better and better. This year I think we have become the closest simply because we had to. Having a baby is a huge change in a marriage. You are so busy and absorbed in the little one that you have to make a conscious, deliberate effort just to go out to dinner or talk about your day. It is an everyday battle of not enough time. Throw John's school into the mix and it has been an interesting eight months to say the least. I have never shared this but on the last night that we spent in the hospital, I had a major freak out, melt down moment. It was like all of a sudden I realized that Will would be coming home with us. I had this preconceived notion about how the birth of my child would affect me. I thought it would be an immediate click and this euphoric experience. Don't get me wrong. I loved Will from the moment I laid eyes on him. He was such a blessing and he grabbed hold of my heart. However, do I love him more now, or even in the first few weeks we were home? YES. I got to know him and his little personality and it was a different kind of love than on January 13. He was dependent on me from day one, but I didn't feel that connection for a few days. Anyways, Will was laying in the little rolling cart, I was in bed, and John was in a chair pulled right up beside my bed. We were talking and all of a sudden the tears started flowing. I loved our little life before Will. I had married my best friend so every day, even if we argued, was a good one because John was by my side. I got to share everything in life with him. I was haunted by the fact that our married life would never be the same. We now had a baby. It was not going to be just the two of us. As I type this, I feel guilty, just as I did that night that all those feelings rushed through my head. How could I be feeling this way when there was a perfect little angel soundly sleeping in front of us. But I did. And it took a few days home to realize that we were going to make it :) That yes, our lives were drastically different, and our married life would be changed. And it would be hard to just go out to dinner or stay up late watching tv and eating ice cream, or driving around with the windows rolled down singing (yes, we still did this, and still do!). But we still do it. We just have to be a bit more strategic about it. Having a baby has forced us to communicate better than we ever have. I have probably gotten more frustrated with John in this year of marriage than ever before because I am pulled in so many directions and often it just gets taken out on him. However, I have also never loved John more than in this year of marriage. Seeing him with our son melts my heart. It definitely is a different kind of love. We are headed out to date night tonight...The Melting Pot! I can't wait...certain to be different than last year!